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Making sure your first bang is bangin'

Jul 19, 2021

minutes
reading

Let’s make a couple of things clear when it comes to sex for the first time.

Sexual debuts are weird, fun, messy, awkward, important, insignificant, memorable and above all different for every single soul. Because sex means different things to different people.

It might be meticulously planned out or a spur of the moment decision, as long as it’s that, a decision.

With the internet filled with contradicting advice and a lot of porn pushing harmful ideals of sex, we’ve put together a little list to clear up whether a couple of classic ‘First Time’ thoughts are true or false. Let’s get the party started with penetration.

1. First Time = First Penetration (by or with a penis)

So FALSE.

You see it in movies, hear it in songs, read about it in books. ‘The First Time’ always involves a penis and a vagina. This is the hetero normative narrative talking, the idea that sex between a cis man and a cis woman is ‘real’ sex, and it’s no. You decide when you have had your first experience, penetration or not.

2. You can’t lose your virginity.

This is TRUE.

Where would it have gone? A doctor can’t tell if you’ve had sex or not, because virginity is a social construct. One that’s trying to keep its claws stuck in the dated view that your integrity and sex life are somehow connected. So next time you hear yourself asking ‘Have you lost your virginity?’ maybe try ‘Have you started having sex?’, ‘Have you had your debut?’ or an all-time favourite ‘Have you ever rolled around in the hay?’ or just don’t ask. Is it that important to know? Wouldn’t it be great if we stopped focusing on whether someone’s banged, and instead poured that energy into making sure sex feels bangin’? Just a thought.

3. You’re in charge of what you do and don’t do.

3000% TRUE

This is always true, any time you decide to have sex, not only the first time. But if you’re new to sex, this is extra important to remember. It’s about finding out what and how you like things done, at your own pace, in a safe space.

4. It always hurts.

False. False. FALSE

This dangerous myth makes people believe pain is always a part of sex. Now, it can be, just make sure communication is clear and know that you can stop at any moment. Remember, lube is your best friend. Making sure everything can slip and slide without too much friction is an easy way to make sure your sex is pain-free.

5. Everyone bleeds after their first penetration.

No, this is bloody FALSE.

Some do, and some don’t. It depends on if you have a hymen, which some people do and some people don’t. It’s as simple as that. Now if there’s bleeding, don’t worry it’s probably no biggie. Make sure you or your partner’s ok, grab a wipe, put down a towel and keep communicating.

6. It’s best to wait to use sex toys.

Nah, that’s FALSE.

The only rule for sex is consent, the rest is for you to figure out and decide. Toys are a great way to explore pleasure, especially with a new partner. It always takes a bit of time and patience to get to know each other’s bodies, so why not get a helping hand from a sex toy or two?

7. Everything has to be perfect the first time.

Nope. FALSE.

Perfect schmerfect. There will be queefing, elbows in awkward places, bumping of faces and juices flowing. But hey, you’ve got a lifetime of exploring sex, partners and positions. A new person equals new preferences, and isn’t that pretty exciting? That there are loads of people, bodies and bits to kiss, caress and cuddle. The first time is only one of many times. To be honest, every time you sleep with someone new it’s like a first time all over again.

So, rest assured that everyone’s trying to figure themselves and their bodies out. Try to communicate, stay safe and know that sex is what you want it to be.