Back to list

First Time Gay Sex: Expectation vs Reality

May 30, 2021

minutes
reading

First Time Gay Sex: Expectation vs Reality

Sex is so much more than penetration—and we know this. But this is even more true with first
time gay sex. We interviewed gay men of all ages to talk about their first time expectations

Let’s see what they had to say:

I didn't come out to my parents until later in life...long after I started having sex with men. In the U.S., teens under 18 can’t hide their medical history from their parents, so that’s just something to keep in mind. We’re the most at-risk for HIV, so it's important to always wear a condom and to get routine STI tests every 3-6 months. - Max, 36

Sex is emotional. I used to use sex as more of an outlet to vent my frustrations with my ultra conservative parents, but I didn’t fully realize it at the time. The older I got, the more I understood what I had been doing, and the more I started truly enjoying sex. It’s good to be in a good emotional place...that’s something I never expected to be as important as it is. - Ope, 27

Like most guys, I watched a lot of porn before actually trying anal sex myself...and porn is definitely a cleaned-up, edited version of the real thing (as it should be)! Use lubricant...even more than you think, and buy some wipes for after! - Jake, 22

“I was all psyched up for my first time—I decided in my head that I was ready, but when it came to that moment, I wasn’t able to have anal sex immediately. And looking back, I’m so happy that was the case, anal requires a lot of patience and trust…especially your first time, so don’t worry. Foreplay is awesome, and taking it slow made me appreciate everything even more.”

– Enrico, 18

“I think everyone should experience being a top and a bottom. When I would fantasize about sex,
I was always a top…but when I tried bottoming in real life, I ended up loving it just as much. You
don’t have to have everything figured out before you start.”
– Leo, 40

“Not everyone douches before anal…there’s a whole specific way to do that, but I’d recommend reading up on it further if it’s something that you’re interested in. But whatever you choose, just know that sex is messy, and it’s impossible to avoid that. I guess I didn’t really know what to expect in regard to that, but now I’ve discovered that eating a healthy, fiber-rich diet eliminates
the need to douche, for me at least.”
– Gus, 21

“Go slow! I mean, maybe this goes without saying for some, but for me, I was just so excited to get to the main event, that I was a little too enthusiastic at the beginning. Reeeally taking it slow is not something I necessarily expected, but it is essential to having a good first time experience.”
– Kyle, 20

“I didn’t start really loving anal until I was in my mid-to-late 20s. I had no idea how frustrating my earlier years would be. But try not to get discouraged, you’re just going to get more confident in your skills and the reality is, it’s always going to get better.”
– Alessandro, 37