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The Virginity Construct

May 30, 2021

minutes
reading

Let’s get one thing straight. Virginity is a concept…a construct, entirely made-up by our society…with a very long and complex history as to why. And every generation has had their own relationship to it.

In our modern times, losing your virginity or swiping your V card is still considered a huge milestone—one that most people are more than happy to check off their list. But that is slowly beginning to change, for the first time in a long time.

Today, more than ever before, we are less defined by our age, sexuality or gender…instead, we are defined by our state of mind. Rather than focusing so much on ‘the act’ itself, what if we’re all on our way toward a huge collective shift—one that places our own personal pleasure in first place. Oh what a beautiful world it would be…

SO… in the spirit of progress, let’s dispel some common and not-so-common ‘first time’, ‘big V’ myths with a quick game of…

TRUE or FALSE:

1. An intact hymen makes someone a virgin.

False.
First thing’s first—not every woman is born with a hymen; this is completely healthy and doesn't mean that they are missing something. Tampons, blood and fingers can easily pass through the vagina without disrupting the hymen. When a woman has penetrative sex for the first time, the hymen doesn’t even disappear then— it simply stretches!

This goes against so much of the language we use when we talk about ‘virginity’. The truth is, nothing physical is ‘lost’…there’s no biological change to our bodies.

2. Virginity is not a medical term

True!
The World Health Organization states that ‘virginity testing’ is a violation of human rights. This is because medically, you can’t tell whether someone has had sex, just by looking at their vagina. Every hymen looks different…some are perforated, some are donut-shaped and some are barely visible—but essentially, that means there can be no standard for determining penetration.

Even the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists concur that a medically accurate test for virginity, simply does not exist.

3. You lose your virginity when you have penetrative, vaginal sex with a penis.

This is false.
Virginity is heteronormative, due to the fact that penetrative, vaginal sex is the only legitimized form of sex in our society. This means that the concept of virginity alienates the LGBT community by definition…inherently implying that sex within the LGBT community is ‘less than’ and not as legitimate. Most species engage in homosexual behavior… and yet humans are the only that have yet to fully accept it.

4. It’s better to wait before using sex toys.

Also false!!
Again, tampons, blood and/or fingers can easily pass through the vagina without disrupting the hymen. That being said, some of the best toys for women are made to be used externally—and never need to venture inside the vagina. So grab some lube, and go full speed ahead on your sex toy pursuit…figuring out what you like before getting a partner involved, is a surefire way to make sex with them even better, when the time comes.

5. The concept of virginity perpetuates a cycle of shame

Yep, definitely true.
Purity is a concept…just as virginity is. The two are dangerously intertwined, creating a cycle of shame for vagina owners. Women are taught from a very young age, that ‘purity’ is something sacred to uphold. And how when a female has sex for the first time, it should be painful… there will be bleeding (false and false, by the way). This concept of purity simply does not exist for men. There are endless cultural reasons that contribute to the orgasm gap and this cycle of shame, but they all seem to stem from our cultural denial of female pleasure. Our society judges women for enjoying sex, having casual sex and having multiple sexual partners. And yet, being able to openly communicate with your partner is key to reaching orgasm.